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Not at this address

June 21st, 2009 · No Comments

For those of you who are not familiar with the wonders of Google Analytics allow me to enlighten you.  Analytics is a program that tracks traffic to my website.  The most interesting feature is its ability to show the search words or phrases that lead people to this site (nothingvanilla.com)

Admittedly I feel like some sort of voyeur, prying into their thoughts, and analyzing their motivations.  Now, today  my privileged readers, you have the opportunity to be part of my voyeurism.

Here are some of my favourite for your enjoyment.

1. best place in South America for a gringo to find good cocaine and young hot women 2008
Something tells me this person is not interested in ancient temples, colourful festivals, rich culture, empanadas and spitting llamas.  I have one thing to say buddy, if you can’t find drugs and get laid in your own country, what makes you think you will have better luck in South America?

2. big fat mums
I know my website is called ‘nothing vanilla’, and the intention is to entertain and amuse fellow readers with interesting stories, but I don’t run that kind of site.  PS You must have disappointed when you were directed to my website – sorry can’t help you with this one.

3. do women like knuckle hair
What kind of obscure fetish is this?  However, you’re in luck, being a woman I feel I can comment with some degree of confidence – don’t grow knuckle hair just because you think women might like it – on the other hand don’t wax it because you think they won’t – leave your knuckle hair exactly as God intended it. Consider this though – like attracts like so if your woman likes hairy knuckles chances are she will have hairy knuckles too.

4. do women like muscular forearms
Sure woman like muscular forearms but it depends what the muscular forearm is attached to.  A muscular forearm alone isn’t going to win any hearts especially if it’s attached to a hand with hairy knuckles.

5. “how are you” funny response
Jeeze don’t over analyze it buddy, just say whatever comes to mind, trust me if you have to look this up on google you are probably not going to pull off the funny anyway. Remember funny is born not made.

6. hazardous food facts frying bananas with bottles
Every time I fry my bananas I use the fashioned fry pan? From one cook to another though – Does the bottle add any extra flavor? Is there a particular type of bottle you like, plastic, glass?

7. I live in sydney australia and who will clean my roof inside of rat droppings
I don’t care where you live buddy, I am not going anywhere near your rat droppings.

8. how to get back at nosey neighbours
Let’s fall back on the old acronym WWJD – What would Jesus do?  Of course since Jesus was homeless he had no direct experience in this matter but we do know he was famous for his tolerance; for example he saved a woman from being stoned to death after she had committed adultery.  On the other hand, he wasn’t all softly softly either, because as we all know he physically attacked those using the synagogue as a place for buying and selling.  So my point is this, if it looks like there might be some money changing hand next door I’d feel comfortable going ‘synagogue’ on their ass.

9. Indian bell bottoms
We all have the right to wear bell bottoms regardless of sex, age, race and religion affiliation.  Let’s not isolate the bell bottom, this is how cultural wars start my peace loving friends.  All I am saying is give peace a chance.

10. bellbottom sex stories
Are you living in a 70s fantasy?  Here is my visual – you are wearing nothing but your mustard bell bottoms, you have a hairy chest, and of course hairy knuckles to match… Are you planning on taking a trip to South America by any chance….

11. “use a, an, some, any, and some of the vocabulary from this unit. use these sentence starters, i want to.. im going to…”
Ah I am not even going to touch this one.

12. why would an air conditioning unit have an eggish smell coming from it when it comes on and off

You have touched a sore spot my friend.  My father was an air conditioning expert, he wanted me to desperately follow in his footsteps, I come from a long line of air conditioning specialists, it runs in my blood you see. Sadly I couldn’t knuckle down to my studies and dropped out of air conditioning school in the middle of egg smell removal 101.  My entire family was ashamed, and disowned me – sorry can’t help you with this one, seek elsewhere for air conditioning egg smell advice mate.

Tags: musings

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