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The Katherine Diaries – Part Two: 1989

May 9th, 2010 · No Comments

The obsession

Have you ever been so obsessed that you lived and breathed someone? Well I have and as a teenager my obsession went on for 3 long years. To make things worse the guy had absolutely no interest in me yet I would agonize over his every word and action, looking for any sign. If he said hello to me I would spend hours analyzing how he expressed this one word to me – if it was a positive hello it meant he liked me, and if not well then it was bad news for me!
I realize now that my feelings for this guy were of course ‘real’ but based on complete fantasy. I was in love with a romantic idea, a projection of what I wanted love to be and not an actual person. In love with love. This youthful romanticizing caused many problems for me when it came to meeting ‘real guys’. When a guy showed interest in me, it wasn’t too long before I was turned off – the smallest thing would do it., whether it be white socks and black shoes, a dance move (as you will find out), a word or action – you name it I was turned off (or ‘put off’ as I often describe in my entries). Yep I was officially the ‘put off Queen’. No one could live up to my fantasy.  The fantasy all started with a New Year’s kiss……
1989 (16 years old)
1 January
New Year’s day was hard to handle. Believe me, this year will be very strange. Well Effie is totally in love with Mario, I mean obsessed with Mario. I went and got on with him. It was an accident but what a kisser! It was my first ‘real’ kiss. Effie thought I went for it, I told her I didn’t but to be honest I think I may have but I am not really 100% sure. I did enjoy it – I am a bitch. In the middle of the kiss I told him to stop it and pulled away. I am confused. F*CK! It had all started from earlier on in the day. We were hanging out at the bus stop and it was the first day I had met him although I knew Eff really liked him as she had told me all about him when she moved into the street. He was acting like a total sleaze bucket towards me and I felt uncomfortable, then later on he called Alex over and told him to come let us know that he wanted his New Year’s kiss so Eff gave him one on the cheek, then he wanted me to come over but I had a strange feeling that I knew what was about to happen so I acted all shy and avoided the situation. But later on he told Effie to come get me so I got mad and walked up to his car and said ‘You sleaze bucket’ and bent down to kiss him on the cheek but then he went for my lips and that is when it all started. Later Eff and me had a massive fight over it, she wanted to know if I had went for it deliberately and whether I liked him. So confused – I really like Claudio anyway.

2 January
Effie was acting as though nothing was going on between us but we both knew that yesterday had changed us all. We acted as if nothing was wrong. This was my first day that I started smoking. I had tried it a few years back but today I used depression as an excuse. Effie and me sat there smoking like idiots. We bumped into Mario, it was so embarrassing.

3 January
Eff and me went Claudio hunting. We saw him, God he is gorgeous, dark tan and beautiful blue eyes. I am so shy in front of him, I never know what to say so I look into his blue eyes and just want to die! But for some reason he seems to like Effie, I can tell. Ah well payback!

5 January
Went to Chapel Street with Simone, on the way back on the bus a guy said I had a nice bum in Greek. He obviously did not realize I was Greek and understood what he had said, so I turned around and thanked him in Greek – it was just so funny, we all started laughing. Mum and me talked about Tim. She wants to build a little granny flat for her at the back of our house because she is such a pain. Tim will move in but if my gran continues to annoy us mum and Tim will move to the county. I bloody object! Bullshit I am staying in Clayton!!

6 January
Effie and me went to my house to watch a video, then she went to get a facial and then something funny happened. On the way to my house, we were on the bus and I got off first. Eff was talking to Kathy’s older brother Tony and was being sarcastic to him when all of a sudden I heard a thump. She fell off the bus and landed on the bus steps in front of everyone! After the facial we went back to Effie’s for a smoke. I hate myself for smoking.

7 January
Went to Eff’s and went for a walk, Mario was outside with a group of guys, he whistled to grab our attention but we ignored him. Then he sent Alex and his friends to tell us he wants to go out with anyone of us! What a total dickhead. Effie sent him a message saying that we were not available to sleaze buckets. We later found out from Alex that he went bright red in front of his friends when Alex gave him our message.

8 January
I started work at the Hot Bread shop in Clayton today, it was fun but I made a lot of mistakes! Later that night Eff and I went to the hang out at Safeway and have a smoke and two guys started talking to us, then another came up to me and recognized me from Primary and High School. We hung out until the cops showed up at 11.30 and asked what we were doing out so late and took our names, address and date of birth and we started packing shit! We left and on the way home, we saw my dad, Vicky and Alex around the corner with the car – they had come to look for us and were very shitty. Eff and I went to try and get rid of the smell of smoke and went straight to bed.

13 January
I went to Effie’s to hang out and she told me that Mahzed had told her that King (that 22 year old likes me). Oh God that is all I need – he is way too old. We saw King later on and talked for a while. King is a nice guy but there is no way I would ever want to go out with him – he puts me off in that way. So there we were, Effie, King and me. Eff told King she liked Mario. King told her that Mario liked to be with a lot of girls, at one stage Eff left me along with King, I was embarrassed, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. I wanted to run away and kill Eff for leaving me along with King!

14 January
Went to the pools with Eff, Mario was there, I couldn’t stand the sight of him, he thought he was ace, I thought he was pathetic. We bumped into Johnny and Claudio on the way home, they invited us to watch them play soccer later on so we went home to get ready but Vicky told us we were invited to Gran’s for tea. We told her we had something urgent to do and we had to go somewhere else and after a lot of squabbling she let us go but told us to be back at 9.30. She said that Dad had a man following us and that if he found out we would all be dead meat! So off we went but guess what – no one turned up at soccer so we got mad after waiting for two hours and then left. On the way home we bumped into Nick but then my dad drove past and saw us talking to guys so I started to shit myself. Later, Alex told us that my Dad was really mad but as usual I saw nothing of it – he just keeps it bottled up. Parents suck, they don’t like us doing anything, my dad hates it when I talk to guys. The folks went out to get a video so we went out and saw Mario on the street. Eff talked to him and I didn’t and when I opened my mouth to say one word he said ‘oh so you can talk’. F*ck he is a dick.

18 January
I met up with Michelle, her boyfriend Leon and his friend Fernando that Michelle has been trying to set me up with. He is pretty damn hot, we went into the City. At first Fernando was shy so I thought he wasn’t interested but then I found out differently. We went to the movies, we were sitting down one end and Fernando sitting at the other end. Then everyone got up and moved one seat up so Fernando could come sit next to me, it was really embarrassingly obvious. He was shy, like really shy. Later that night I spoke to Michelle who said Fernando likes me.

19 January
That night I sat down to do some serious thinking about Claudio, Fernando and Nick. I don’t know who I like most. I think I like Claudio more but because Fernando likes me and I have a chance with him so maybe I should like him more. I really don’t know what to do. I think it’s out of Claudio and Fernando. If I go out with Fernando I will be thinking of Claudio, If I went out with Claudio I wouldn’t worry about Fernando probably because he lives so far away where as Claudio I see a lot. Maybe I will just go out with whoever I get first – that’s if I get anyone.

21 January
Effie and me went to Clayton to post the love letter we had been inspired to write last night. That morning we had finished it off. We finished it off by saying ‘I’d die for you Mario’ and wrote a poem. We put red lipstick on it and sprayed it with perfume. At the time it seemed like a good letter, but that night we realised how stupid it all sounded.

25 January
We hung out in Mario’s court with the guys, King was still wearing my bandana that I had leant to him a few days ago and asked when I wanted it back. I really wanted it back but I told him to keep it for as long as he liked, so he said OK and that he would give me something of his in exchange.. Ewww I don’t want his stuff! Eff and I walked home but the folks wouldn’t let us in the house because they thought we had come back too late so they locked us out till 1 pm.

26 January
Eff and I got ready for our walk – it took 2 hours to do our hair! Anyway we walked up and down the street for two hours, we decided to head for home when it got late but then we saw Mario, so we stopped then Mario asked Eff for her bandanna so he took it and tied it around his wrist, then he asked us to go for a walk so I decided to leave them alone so I made up an excuse that I had to go make a phone call but she didn’t like that idea and made a fuss so we all just stood there. Then Mario started behaving strangely telling me that I played hard to get and how he doesn’t like being rejected. Later that night Effie told me there is something funny going on between me and Mario. This made me nervous for some reason.

29 January
Well tonight was the night I finally coped it from my dad. My mum came over and finally my dad exploded with a vengeance. He tried to hit me but I backed away so he missed, he called us sluts and accused me of stuff I had not even done, he said someone has been following us reporting on the things we do. Every time I tried to tell him the truth he would not listen and just kept shouting. He said he heard me and Effie talking the other night we got locked out about some party we had gone to and some guy had apparently touched me. What f*cking drugs is my dad on, he is so way wrong – I have no idea what he heard or where he is getting this information from. He went on and on saying we are never allowed to hang around the streets and how everyone thinks we are sluts trying to pick up guys. This went on for an hour. I had no choice but to be quiet, all I knew was that he was wrong, all we have done is talk to guys – but he thinks we have done much worse. Me and Eff cried our eyes out later that night.

1 February
This is the last day before school begins again boo hoo. As I sit here I think about all these things that have happened this summer, it sure has not been boring, this summer has changed my entire life. On one hand I have met stacks of guys, on the other hand the folks are really pissed off at us – thank god my dad exploded at the end of the holidays! I started smoking but I decided to quit, it’s horrible anyway. That night Eff called to tell me that King wants to buy something for my birthday – oh my god, my life sux shockingly.

2 February
First day of school was OK, I can tell Year 11 is going to be a hard year with lots of work ahead of me. Anyway after school I got a huge shock, mum told me she had found out about everything – someone had seen me and Eff smoking and getting into guys cars. My dad had also found out about Safeway as the cops had called. My dad came over but I think he was tired of yelling so he spoke to me calmly but sternly. He told me about the risks of smoking which I found ridiculous given he smokes like a chimney! I told him I had only smoked a few times and had stopped anyway but nothing I tell my dad seems to make a difference.

3 February
I don’t like staying at home anymore. Mum doesn’t know what to do with me, I don’t know what to do with me! For some reason mum thinks I will turn into a slut and get pregnant. Of course I won’t – why don’t parents understand that just because we know a few guys and try out smoking, this doesn’t mean we are ruining our lives! We are just doing normal teenage things! I am so frustrated. That night mum told me I was no longer allowed to go to Effie’s so naturally we had a huge fight. My life is hell, my mother doesn’t trust me, we fight for stupid reasons. All I can say is that I can’t wait to turn 18 so I can do what I want!

5 February
After work I went to Effie’s and we saw Mario. We were sitting on the fence and he came and started talking to us, I noticed my feelings for Mario and had to stop myself because of Eff.

6 February
Found out something really hilarious today at school. In maths I sat next to Lorella and Suzie who I often saw at the pool during summer talking to Claudio a lot. I thought he liked Suzie but then she laughed and told me they were just friends and she was actually going out with his best friend Emi. She then asked me why I called him Claudio, so I looked at her strangely and said well isn’t that his name? Then they told me Claudio’s name is really Ian and instead of having an Argentinean background, he has a Scottish background. Oh my God, what a put off!

8 February
Off to three day camp destination Mt Eliza to ‘strengthen our spiritual development’ and all that bullshit.

12 February
My 16th birthday! After work I went to Effie’s, we bumped into King and his mates, they all sang Happy Birthday and invited us out to eat but of course we could not go and we went our separate ways, then we saw Mario who asked us to go to the beach with him but of course we could not go. Oh well.

14 February
I got nothing for Valentine’s Day – how depressing, not even one card! When I got home I saw a bunch of letters in mum’s room but no cards for me. I did my homework unenthusiastically – God that word took up half a line, and then retired to bed with a book.

19 February
OK, so I am finding myself quite attracted to Mario, sigh.

23 February
Eff called me to tell me she had spent an hour talking to Mario last night and that she really really likes him so much that she cannot concentrate on her school work. She must really be in love with him. I need to stop liking him.

2 March
At school today I found out from Lorella and Suzie that Claudio or Ian or whatever his stupid name is has a fake tooth, laughed so hard! I had a huge fight with mum after school, she was tired and hot and got mad at me for nothing which she admitted later but only after she rang dad telling him how bad I was! I am telling you this is a mess.

6 March
Jacquie told us her parents were going out on the weekend and asked us over so we could go to a disco called Tochach. My friends weren’t planning to tell their parents but I knew that I had to ask mum otherwise I would feel so low after all the trouble I was in. I don’t feel like any more trouble.

7 March
We all organised the details about Saturday, everyone was telling their parents lies except for me – I could tell that some of the girls could not understand why I had to tell mum, but I really needed to. I am sure if I lied to her she would find out and there would be big trouble and she would never trust me again. I had to tell her even if it meant her saying no – which is most likely.

8 March
Tonight I told mum about Saturday. I got straight to the point when she came home from work, I told her my friends were going behind their parents back so we ended up having a deep talk but she said no. I got really upset and did not talk to her. Deep down I knew that if I had a 16 year old daughter who wanted to go to an over 18 disco I would probably say no.

9 March
I was so embarrassed at school today. Mum rang me during class and I had to leave to go take the call in the office. She wanted to tell me that she loved me and if I told her the details of the disco and if my cousin came she would let me go. I was happy but did not get my hopes high, after school I dropped past mum’s work so we could talk it over. Now the only thing is to ask my cousin if she could come but when I rang her she told me she had made plans that she could not cancel. F*ck I still can’t go!

10 March
In a way I didn’t feel that bad about not going out on Saturday but with me and my idioticness, I acted as though I was still angry with my mum. I thought it through, my friends were going to get there early and leave during the time most people get there anyway, besides I could not get home as mum was not able to pick me up and there was no way I wanted to get home by train or taxi. I rang Eff and we talked for ages about everything.

11 March
I was over my madness of not going out tonight so I went to Chadstone with Eff to buy some clothes. I ended up buying a top and a record.

14 March|
I found out how my friends went at Tock – or rather how they did not go. First they went to a party but left soon afterward as it was dead. Instead of going to Toch they ended up at Amadeus because it was closer, the bouncers were asking for ID and since my friends did not have fake IDs they did not get in so they end up at McDonald’s, then ended up at Sharon’s roasting marshmallows.

23 March
Had a great girl’s night at Helena’s house. We bought Simone a kitten for Easter to surprise her and decided to name him Soda Pop. Soda pissed all over the house! We all had huge D & Ms and talked about the good old primary school days and pigged out on junk.

2 April
Eff rang and told me that Mario out of the blue asked Alex ‘where is your sister, I want to ask her if she likes me’. I don’t know if Eff thinks this but which bloody sister did he mean – the real sister or the step sister!! F*ck why do I always write about him – I think I kind of like him and I think I want him to like me. I am so f*cked.

22 April
Eff and I saw Nick at the milk bar, he was completely dumbfounded and then he said hello and went red in the face. He then started flicking the magazines and absent-mindedly picked up a Playboy magazine without realizing so I started to laugh but had to hold it in. Eff convinced me that he liked me, I had to hear it from her to be 100% sure.

23 April
I finished work at 2 today and I wished that I hadn’t because I wouldn’t have done what I what I did when I got home. It was so bad. I rang Eff and she convinced me that she should ring Nick to tell him I liked him. So I agreed but only on the condition that she told him that I didn’t know what she was doing. While she was ringing I was so nervous. When she got off the phone, she told me that he was speechless and confused and was silent for a minute or so then he said he had no idea I felt this way and then said he was sort of with another girl at school. He kept repeating that he had no idea I liked him. I swear I got so mad with him for leading me on as I knew he had. I was really shitty.

24 April
I found Eff dead this morning. Well maybe I should explain that. I had four gold fish and arranged their names based on couples – Effie and Mario and Kath and Nick. Eff was the cute little fat one (not that she is fat), The big black one is Mario, the other two me and Nick. Well I found Eff dead. Anyway that night I told Eff (the person) that if she ever saw Nick again that she should tell him that I am over him, it was just a crush and I that am seeing someone else.

2 May
Eff rang me in tears to tell me that Mario was going out with another girl. I felt bad for her, sometimes I think she loves Mario more than she loves her mum.

5 May
Well tomorrow is the big day that we move into a flat with Tim. I felt sad and took my budgie’s cage into my room that night because I was upset that I could not take him with me to the new place because there is no where he can fly around. He will be happy with my gran and I will come visit him all the time.

6 May
Moving day today, I had a tough day because my room is a lot smaller than my old one and could not fit much in. By the end of the day I was frustrated because nothing fit and I could not organise my stuff. Later I went to Dad’s because they were having a big party for his Name day and I rocked up with my tracksuit pants only to find everyone dressed really well. Dad was not happy with me.

7 May
I already miss my old house, my room, my budgie, even my fish and grandmother.

12 May
Tonight I went to an underage disco. We went to pick up Effie in the car and on the way my mum started giving me shit. I called her a bitch because she told me I could pack up my bags and leave for no reason. I called her crazy, so she was going to turn back and not take us so I had to say sorry. I said it but I did not mean it. My mum said it was all my fault that Tim (her boyfriend) was upset and things were not working out. I hated her so much, she was laying into me for no reason at all. I really hate living in his house. I want to ask her if I can go and live with my grandmother because I have bad feelings towards Tim. At first the disco looked like it was going to be shit but then we danced like crazy and caused a scene.

13 May
I slept in till late, mum was at work so I was alone with Time and decided to stay in my room until mum came from work. I didn’t want to see Tim at all.  Then I packed my bags so I could go stay with my gran. I slept in mum’s old bed which was hard and uncomfortable and even though I was alone, I felt happy.

16 May
I had another fight with mum today, this time it was about going out for Sharon’s birthday. I swear she chucks the shits badly lately.

9 June
At my social, there was one guy to every 20 girls and I was not in the mood to dance or have fun, the night was heading for a huge FLOP until… this guy wanted to dance with me, his name was Arthur who goes to CBC which coincidentally have their social this Friday and Simone and me are going. As the night went on we got closer and he put his arms around my waist, put is hands in mine and his head on my shoulder etc etc. There was a slow song so he led me to the dance floor put his arms around my waist and we slowly danced. He then took me into a corner and began to kiss my face and neck but I would not let him kiss me in in front of my teachers. But I felt as though I was in a movie, everyone was staring including my teachers who were smiling at me. My art teacher started teasing me. I loved every minute of it…but I still like Mahzed… what am I going to do?

11 June
Had a girls night at Simone’s. We watched videos and stuffed our faces until we were sick. We at McDonalds, lollies and then Kentucky and then watched the tennis and then ate some more. I had the worst stomach ache, we all stayed up the whole night and finally fell asleep at 5 in the morning.

12 June
After a few hours sleep we woke up but stayed in bed and watched another video. For breakfast I ate a left over hamburger and some more lollies and felt really sick again. None of us bothered to get dressed so we stayed in our PJs until late afternoon.

16 June
I met Arthur at his social. On the dance floor it was hilarious, we danced in a group with my friends and his friends, Simone had already seen him dance so she knew what was coming and held back her laughter but Christine and Effie cracked up – we all did when he did a 360 degree spin, he thinks he is Michael Jackson! We ended up kissing but I didn’t like the way he kissed. As the night went on I realized I was getting more and more put off him. His black shoes and white socks did not help. Then he was telling me about how jealous his ex girlfriend used to get when he talked to other girls, he was very friendly with my friend Amanda and had the nerve to ask me if that made me jealous. By the end of the night I actually hated him.

17 June
I slept at Eff’s and I told her that I don’t think I like Arthur, then went I went back to gran’s, mum came over and seemed upset and told me there was something wrong that had to do with me and Arthur. I was confused so mum told me that someone had seen us at the social yesterday and had told their parents who then told my dad. I tried to figure out who knows me and my dad but I have no idea. So I rang dad to ask him but he said he wouldn’t tell me anything until Thursday and that he does not know who told him – Bullshit. I am sick and tired of my parents and their weird bullshit and being accused of stuff. I did not even do anything apart from a few kisses which I did not even like so it was not even worth getting into trouble over!

20 June
Saw Mario on the train today, he was staring at me with a stupid smile on his face. Weird, but as much as I try to ignore it, I am pretty sure I like him.

25 June
So excited, have two weeks off from school, went to work today and after work mum came to see me at gran’s and began to lecture me on at least five different topics. We yelled at each other a lot and she told me that every time she goes to dad’s house, Vicky and dad tell mum that I do wrong things. I was so mad about it and then felt bad that mum cops it every time she goes there. I don’t even do anything wrong so I just don’t understand and can’t even explain it to the parents. That night I wanted to go to dad’s and planned to tell them a few things, so I caught the bus and went over. Dad was not home but I told Vicky that I was upset at finding out that my mum cops it every time she comes over here – I told her everything that was on my mind. Pity my dad was not there.

28 June
I spoke to Arthur on the phone, we had long moments of uncomfortable silence. I really think that I need to drop him, I can’t go on with this any further, he puts me off.

30 June
I called Arthur and got straight to the point, but then I felt bad because he was upset and did not want to break up. He asked me the reason for the break up but I could not tell him that I was put off him so I told him that I was too young to have a serious relationship! So that is the end of that!

2 July
Today I really and truly admitted something to myself. Mario walked past my work today and Angela noticed that he was staring, I could not serve him when he walked in as I was serving another customer but I could feel my face going hot and red. When he left even the customer told me he was really staring. Angela asked me if I liked him so I told her I was attracted to him, anyway she knows about the New Year’s thing and Effie liking him and she told me that she thinks deep down I have feeling for him but I hide them because of Eff. Apparently my reaction when he came in was quite strong and gave me away. Damn I think she is right but she reckons he likes me too. I don’t know about that but I am so damn confused.

5 July
Sharon, myself and Simone decided to make some fake IDs, we changed our date of birth on our birth certificate and then photocopied it so it looked like we were 18. Good idea!

8 July
Had a scary experience on the bus today on the way to Eff’s. There was a Asian guy sitting on the bus with his girlfriend and a huge bikie looking guy got on at the next stop – he reeked of beer and started to pick on the Asian guy, there was huge fight and the bikie guy took out a knife and then grabbed the Asian guy’s girlfriend and threw her across the seat. It was really bad, everyone was really scared.

13 July
I wanted to go to Warehouse with Eff on Saturday because Mario might be there. My mum agreed only on the condition that my cousin would come and we could get a lift there and back. My cousin said she was able to come. My friends also wanted to come but were not telling their parents and wanted to tell them it was a sleep over at my house but my mum would not let that happen. I felt a bit crap about it all. I got my school photos back, man I look so ugly!

15 July
Tonight is the night – disco night. I was feeling a bit nervous on the way wondering if we were going to get in, we told mum to drop us off before the entrance so no one would see that we were getting dropped off by my mum but she said she would wait around for a while in case we got knocked back. Thankfully the bouncer let us in, it was fairly early and there were not too many people there but the place was huge! We went upstairs and I checked out the DJ who was cute! By 10.30 the place was packed and we could not move, I noticed it was a very woggy scene which I did not really like – some idiot guy started blowing in my ear, what a dickhead. Mum had told me to be back by 2, so we left at 1.30, overall it was a good night and I love dancing!

23 July
Mario came into my work today, I actually spoke to him, he asked me how my mum was – he is so gorgeous, his smile gave me shivers. I told my mum about how I kissed Mario on New Years that night and now I have a big crush on him.

6 August
Work was OK, I finished at 2pm so I ended up going to Effie’s after. It was funny because I thought we weren’t going anywhere so I wore my tracksuit pants and moccasins. Effie wanted to go for a walk but I didn’t want to go in my moccasins so we made up a bandage for my left and pretended I was limping – ha ha ha. We saw Mario four times.

11 August
I saw Arthur again at the station, he was talking to some girl and then as soon as he saw me he grabbed the girl and started getting on with her – I swear he is a disgusting put off, as if I care! He makes me sick.

14 August
This whole past week has been f*cked. Bad luck is following me around. Firstly I saw Arthur, he tapped me on the shoulder – Yuk! Then I saw Mario and got rolled because when the train came I thought he didn’t get on as the carriages were too packed. I didn’t know he was standing behind me and I said to my friend, ha ha he is going to be late to work and he heard – oops! Then at school I got f*cked on by my principal, he wanted to see me in his office most likely I guessed because of my hair. In first class in Art, I cut myself with a tool and cut some flesh out of my little finger – ouch. At recess I went to the principals office and I was right it was my hair. I convinced the principal that it was my natural colour but the gel made it look lighter, so he then picked on me about my gel – he is such a bastard. My friends dog also died and I opened my big mouth. I noticed she was upset but she did not mention why. During Art I said ‘ oh yeh, Pet Cemetery is on at the movies’ and that made her cry. I didn’t know that her dog and been run over and had to be put down.

16 August
Today at school was the start of the Year 11 Christian sexuality program – BORING and STUPID.

21 August
At school we had to watch a program on abortion, it was absolutely disgusting.

26 August
Eff, me and Kath were going to Warehouse tonight with Kath’s brother Tony. After a busy day we realised we had only under two hours to get ready so we had to hurry it up! The place was unbelievably sleazy as but I really liked one of Tony’s friends who was very quiet the whole night. While I was dancing this guy came up to me and started kissing my neck – he was a put off so I pushed him away. Yuk. I just wanted to dance – I love dancing.

7 September
Found out from mum’s boyfriend Tim that he got me a full time job at Hoechst in the public relations section during for a month during my holidays in December. Cool can’t wait.

9 September
F*ck I hate parents sometimes. My mum rang me in the morning to tell me that she had talked to Effie’s mum and we could not go to Warehouse. Effie chucked a mental and then a big fight went on and my dad told my mum I had caused Effie to be slack in her work and before I came along she was fine. F*ck them all I thought.

10 September
Today was the day that Eff and me started to admit things. Well it all started with Mario, he came past my work like 50 million times so Christine from work told Eff that she thinks Mario likes me. Anyway Eff rang me to tell me what Christine told her but I denied it She also asked me if I liked him and I denied it too. I could not admit it. She told me that she had been so jealous after New Year and that she had always wanted revenge. I was so shocked! She told me a few months ago when we were all on the same bus that he had made some sleazy move towards me whilst I was not looking and that Eff was convinced he liked me. I told her it can’t be true. I don’t think I am his type, what would he see in me, he is older as well, why wouldn’t he want to go out with someone his age?

11 September
Myer rang me today, they want to interview me for work during Xmas. I have the job at Hoechst now so I don’t know what I am going to do. Had a lot of trouble trying to figure it out. I guess I have not got the Myers job yet but I am confused about everything right now – the Myer job and Mario.

16 September
At the bus stop these two guys came up to me, they introduced themselves as Dougal (ha ha) and Joff from New Zealand. They invited me over to their house for ‘a beer’ and that instantly turned me off. I hate beer! Then they said there was a party at their house later this evening. They seemed fairly loutish and I did not trust them, I knew better than to go off with two strange guys but they kept insisting so I told them to give me their phone numbers so I could get them off my back. Anyway their accents were off putting as well!

17 September
Dougal and Joff came into my work today and kept hassling me so I told them I would meet them later and then I ditched them. Later at Eff’s Alex said he saw Mario and Mahzed go past my work and look in. Then Eff sarcastically said, ‘we all know why, don’t we Kath’. F*ck this is bad, I don’t know what to think or believe but I do know that she must know I really do like him because Eff and I know so much about each other – we always know what the other one is thinking.

21 September
What a start to the holidays, tonight me and my friends were going to Amadeus nightclub. I am not telling mum though even I feel bad because she know trusts me. Anyway there was a huge line and people were getting backed not only for ID problems but they did not meet the dress code. Fortunately we got in but had to fill a stat deck which stated we were 18 – whoops! Ended up having a great night on the dance floor though.

26 September
Saw Mario today, he asked me some really weird questions about what I was planning to do when I finished school, if I was passing and then when was I leaving to go to a ‘proper’ school. What the f*ck does that mean! Idiot he is sometimes. Anyway I hung around with Simone today at Chadstone and then went to see Eff, I had to ring mum to tell her where I was and she told me she knew everything about going out to a nightclub last week. Apparently someone rang her at work ‘anonymously’ and said ‘ha ha my dear lady, you think your daughter stays over her at friend’s house but she is going behind your back and goes to discos and parties’. Mum said the person was trying to disguise their voice. Thankfully mum was really nice and understanding about what I did and I promised never to lie again – but who the f*ck was it that rang and wants to get me into trouble?

8 October
All I can say is that I love Mario, I saw him with Kath today and we went over to say hello. We kept sneaking looks at each other and I could tell he was flirting with me. Then later on I caught a bus to Eff’s but no one was home so I walked back to the bus stop and waited for the bus. Mario drove past and then things turned strange – he stopped right in front of me for a second but then drove off again as if he did not know what to do. The he drove into Safeway, around the car park then drove past me again, I just sat there wondering what on earth he was doing. So weird. Anyway then Brendan and his mates came up to say hello, I think Brendan likes me -he seems like a nice guy but I can’t look at him as a boyfriend. As soon as I got on the busy, Mario drove past again very slowly. Weird.

11 October
I saw Arthur wearing tight red bicycle shorts – yuk put off! Later on I was at home alone and had this urge to ring Mario and tell him the whole story about liking him etc etc. I wanted some advice so I called Simone who told me to go for it, then I rang my cousin who also said to go for it. So feeling nervous I rang up a few times and then hung up before dialing the last number. Then I finally decided just to get it over and done with so I rang and his brother picked up the phone and told me Mario was at night school and wanted to know who I was. I did not tell him but asked what time he would be home, he asked me again who I was, I said ‘oh it’s alright’ and then he said that it was not alright but I still did not give him my name! I lost my nerve and did not try to phone back later.

12 October
Went to the U2 concert – it was unreal. Bono was sexy. I thought about my call to Mario yesterday, thank God he wasn’t home because I would have regretted it shockingly.

20 October
I stayed at my Gran’s, Eff came over and we watched a video. She absolutely insists she does not like Mario anymore, she likes this Jim character now. I think she still likes Mario but is trying to get over him.

22 October
Work was good, I saw Mario a few times, in the morning he drove past 3 times, twice in a row. Then I saw him on my lunch break, he drove past with his gorgeous smile and flashed his lights and beeped and waved. Eff came into work and told me she wanted to tell me something but she did not have the courage to tell me, I asked her it had something to do with Mario, and she said yes. I asked her if I had done something, she said that I know what it is and it would have been better if I had come to her first. I am not sure what she means.

23 October
I have decided to not bug Effie about what she has to say even though I am dying to know what it is. Anyway I have to focus on my exams and I have lots of studying to do.

27 October
Today Eff told me what was on her mind. I felt really shit, she told me to go for Mario because she knew for a fact that he liked me. Apparently he had asked Kath if I had picked up at Warehouse that day and other stuff I did not know about. She said she was learning to get over him and really wanted us to get together. I did not know what to say, it just did not feel right but she said she has had enough of all the bullshit and said that we are all in awkward positions and she feels as though she is in between us. I was speechless, she is actually giving me her blessing. Wow! I told her I did like him but I am not really certain he likes me, I am just not sure even though other people seem to think so too. Eff wants to talk to him and tell him that she feels she is in the way.

29 October
Eff and I saw Mario after work, I can’t hack this anymore – I told Eff to ring him tomorrow and ask him to meet her so this business can be settled once and for all. So tomorrow is the day we will know the truth once and for all. Whether it hurts or not we will all be relieved because I think I have had enough.

30 October
Today was finally here. I was nervous by 6 but deep down I had a gut feeling that he would tell Eff that he did not like me. I was right. At least now I can get on with my life and forget about him. Effie asked if he like me and he asked he where she had heard that from, then he asked her if I liked him and kept asking until she told him that I did. He then told her that he did not like me. Eff then said ‘I have heard you go up and down the bakery to see her every weekend’ -I can’t believe she said that. Anyway I have to admit that he gave out some mixed signals and at times he really convinced me that he liked me – especially when I go back through this diary, the evidence is clear. Why do guys do that, Nick seemed to do it too. Oh well at least now I can continue my life without him on my mind. It’s all over.

31 October
Well I am calm about this, the less I think about it the better I feel. He said what he said and I know now that he lead me on. I am angry more so because he is a tease.

3 November
Went to Eff’s and discussed the Mario thing. How I wish I could put it all behind me, now he probably thinks that I think he goes past my work to see me – how humiliating. And on top of that he probably thinks I am going around thinking he likes me. Shit I feel like crap.

5 November
I saw Mario during my lunch break at work and felt really embarrassed and flat. Eff rang later that night and told me she talked to Alex today and Mario asked her how Eff was, then added ‘and how is your other sister – what’s her name – oh yeah the one who I am supposed to like’. What a bastard! I want to smash his brains in.

24 November
Dreaded going to school to find out my exam results – I did not really study at all so I expected some failures. I noticed a few girls crying but when I opened up my English folder I was so happy that I had passed all my exams!! OK I had just passed maths but all the rest were OK! Phew. Year 12 here I come and note to self – study next year. I was lucky I passed this year without hardly studying.

28 November
Second day of working at Hoechst – I hate it so far and I can’t stand the thought of working here for the next four weeks, the people are very snobby and the girls are bitchy cows. I can’t seem to do anything right but there is a cute guy who is fixing the elevators – he is blond and sort of stupid looking but he has a great body.

29 November
The elevator guy was working with another guy who I met called Matt. Matt is very hot – sexy green eyes. Yum. I had to pack 200 calendars and wrap 100 presents and tie ribbons on them – exhausting work and so boring.

7 December
I got a shock today, Eff rang to tell me that she was leaving for Greece in a couple of days, the folks bought her a ticket and did not get me one! I bet they want to split us up during the summer holidays.

9 December
Went to the airport to see Eff off. I still can’t believe she is leaving and she won’t be around for the holidays. Peri was at the airport, he used to go to the same school as me, his dad was on the same plane with Eff so we all sat to watch the plane take off. Peri asked me out tomorrow so I said yes, what am I getting myself into?

10 December
Peri came to pick me up at 2pm. We decided to hang out at the museum out of all places. He held my hand and we kissed but he spoiled it and one stage and said ‘guess this means we are going steady?’ . Ewwww who uses the word ‘steady!’, Oh my god, does this mean I have landed myself a boyfriend? He wants to go Xmas shopping and wants to take me to a 21st, he wants me to spend Xmas Eve with his family.. God he’s got plans!!!!! Shit I don’t know how I feel about all of this.

11 December
Today at work I had time to sort out my feelings and decided to ring Peri to tell him he is going fast and that I am not ready to get involved in a relationship. I told him that I am just not ready for a serious boyfriend. He was really upset but I can’t help that I am put off!

13 December
I bumped into Shane at work, he is another of the elevator crew, he is creepy because he keeps staring. Shane offered me a lift after work but I said no, for all I know he could be a bloody rapist.

16 December
Worked at the chemist today, man I have been working three different jobs every single day during my holidays, bakery, Hoechst and chemist – very tired but making a lot of money! I feel left out at the chemist because the girls are a lot older than me and seem close.

19 December
I hate working at Hoechst, it’s depressing and they make me feel like shit. I rang up today and told them I was not coming in, I could not face it today so instead I decided to go Xmas shopping with Sharon.

22 December
Last day at Hoechst, goodbye Hoechst, hello beach! Shane asked me out but I can’t get over his creepiness, good looks not enough in this case. Later I did an evening shift at the chemist.

25 December
Merry Xmas. I fell in love again today, this time with George. We spent the day with Eff’s cousins – Vivi and Paul. George is a family friend, he has a great tan and body. Yum.

31 December
Last day of diary. Last year of the 80s! Went to Christine’s for a pool party, loads of fun. What is in store for the 90s?

Stay tuned for the next action packed Katherine diary entries – what happens to the obsession in the 90s?

Hanging out with my friends – not surprisingly I have the food!

the classic late 80s half up half down hair style

On our way to the BROS concert – oh the humiliation!

Fringe and jeans and BROS like shoes – ewwwwwwww!

Tags: musings

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